My life has no future?

I'm 37 and have just realised that I'm psychotic since 12 I have not been well in the head and I didn't even know it. Now I have aculated so much garbage in my mind all related to death, obsessions, addictions , lots of variations of thought around death that I see my future so bleak.Lost all my friends they all have there own lives except me I live with my parents and even the village the entire lot know I'm going to die, because I have gone around spilling it out.And me thinking buddhism will help me, put me more in the mud and mire with the Death thing. I didn't even realise that I was psychotic until a few weeks ago, and my parents even didn't realise I wasn't all there in the head and take me to a psychiatrist.Thank you parents, mind you without them I would be dead. Lost my job fell mentally ill in 1999. Took Risperidone but only for a while and then connected to buddhism. Smoke cigs that doesn't help. Might as well bury me rather than waiting for my impending death. Which looks certain the amount of trash I have been spilling out all these 22 months of constant obsession with death. Not only that I send thoughts of death to people and that they hear. Well great life this has been. The last thing I want is to die from violence because that is sheer terror. Well life is unceratin and death certain.